wake window wake window
Lila was born
wake window wake window
I remember being physically
and emotionally torn
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It is 2am and she will not sleep
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There are so many expectations
as a mother
I am failing to meet
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How can I love my daughter yet
forever feel trapped
by mom guilt and rage?
wake window wake window
Have I created another
(yachting) golden cage?
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I am scared to close my eyes
wake window wake window
With every growth spurt
I regret me focussing
too much on my size
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I am exhausted full stop
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I am turning into a nasty
person I am not
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Why are my loved ones
failing to give me grace?
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I simply want to be with Lila
in my own space
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Getting so frustrated as
Lila just screams
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Keep going keep going…
another sleep deprived sign in
to microsoft teams
wake window wake window
I passed out from exhaustion today
wake window wake window
I wonder if my husband has noticed
my nerves frey
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Everyone worried about baby’s
pooping, temperature
and good feeds
wake window wake window
What about me,
don’t I also have needs?
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It is almost three
wake window wake window
I yet have had time for me
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all I do is pump
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all these hormones are making
my mood slump
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Lila just smiled at me
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I came to realise all can go to hell
all that matters is us three
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Do you need something too?
wake window wake window
As a mother someone always
wants something from you
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I now care less what people think
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I missed another something
because I blinked
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I have this year allowed people
to completely drain me
even more than before
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This made my heart so very sore
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I can now learn to say no
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Setting kind boundaries
where ever I go
wake window wake window
I had to say some painful goodbyes
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Losing family and friends
in front of my eyes
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Where did you go?
wake window wake window
I thought you would forever
be my reminder to be present
and go slow
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This year my life revolved around you
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Time with Lila went too soon
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This pace is impossible to keep
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I feel like there is nothing left of me
wake window wake window
Today a reminder grace comes
in unexpected ways
wake window wake window
The sisterhood is real,
keeping me going through my
tough days
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How remarkable are us women
when together we’re strong
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When we realise our differences
must be celebrated
and are not wrong
wake window wake window
Motherhood is such a glorious mess
wake window wake window
Thank you, Lila,
My teacher, Forever my princess
xoxo
LS
*While the term “wake window” is a modern term, it simply refers to the period of time a baby is awake between sleeps. A wake window spans from when your baby wakes up to the next time they fall asleep

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