Becoming a mother has been quite the journey, filled with overwhelming joy, sleepless nights, and a love that knows no rhyme nor reason.
However, amidst the bliss, I stumbled upon a silent struggle that many new moms might relate to – the challenge of finding and expressing my own voice.
This quest, which unfolded not just on the yoga mat but in the tapestry of daily life, involved overcoming barriers rooted in childhood conditioning, navigating the complex landscape of familial expectations, and confronting the deep-seated emotion of anger that had festered within.
In those early days of motherhood, my primary focus was on the well-being of my newborn. Every ounce of my energy went into nurturing, soothing, and ensuring my little one's needs were met. In this process, however, I inadvertently silenced my own voice, suppressing my thoughts and emotions to embody the image of the perfect mom I aspired to be.
This self-imposed silence took a toll on my well-being. I could feel the weight of unexpressed thoughts and untold stories settling in my body, manifesting as a persistent tightness in my throat. Unbeknownst to me, I was experiencing a blocked throat chakra – the energy center associated with communication and self-expression.
The more I held back, the more anger grew within me. It was a silent storm, brewing beneath the surface, threatening to engulf me. The unresolved emotions, particularly the anger, became the uninvited guest at the feast of joy that motherhood was supposed to be. It became clear that, in order to be the best mom for my child, I needed to confront and release the pent-up emotions that were holding me captive.
Enter yoga – my sanctuary for self-discovery and healing. Stepping onto the yoga mat became a metaphorical journey into the labyrinth of my emotions, a space where I could reconnect with my body, mind, and soul. Through intentional breath work and gentle asanas, I began the process of untangling the emotional knots that had stifled my voice. I am still at it.
Yoga, with its emphasis on mindfulness and presence, encouraged me to explore the depths of my emotions. As I moved through the postures, I allowed myself to feel the anger, frustration, and moments of joy that had been buried deep within. The physical practice of yoga became a mirror reflecting my internal landscape, guiding me towards self-acceptance and, ultimately, self-expression.
One of the most profound realisations during my yoga journey was the connection between the throat chakra and my ability to express myself authentically. Specific poses, such as fish pose (Matsyasana) and shoulder stand (Sarvangasana), became tools for unlocking the barriers that had constrained my voice. As the physical blockages began to clear (not "there" yet), so did the mental and emotional barriers, and I started to reclaim my voice.
As I ventured into the exploration of my newfound voice, I discovered the surprising impact it had on those around me. Family members, accustomed to my subdued presence, were genuinely shocked when I started expressing my thoughts and opinions more openly. It was as if the supporting character had taken center stage, and the audience was left in awe of the unexpected plot twist.
This revelation made me ponder the reasons behind my prolonged silence. Reflecting on my childhood, I realised that I had developed a pattern of holding back, stemming from a desire to please others and avoid conflict. Growing up, I often found solace in being the problem-solver, fearing that expressing my true feelings would disrupt the harmony within the family.
These deeply ingrained habits followed me into adulthood and were magnified when I became a mother. The expectations of being a perfect parent, coupled with societal pressure to conform to certain norms, fuelled my reluctance to voice my own needs and concerns. Unraveling this intricate web of conditioning became an essential part of my journey toward self-discovery.
Yet, the root of my silence wasn't just in the fear of disrupting the peace; it was also tied to a complex emotion – anger. Anger, often misunderstood and stigmatised, can manifest as a protective shield, especially for those who fear confrontation or have experienced conflict as children. In my case, anger had become a silent guardian, shielding me from the discomfort of speaking my mind.
Growing up, I had developed a belief that persuading grown-ups or expressing dissent was a pointless endeavour. The fear that it might not be kind or could lead to conflict further solidified my commitment to silence. However, this approach came at a cost – the silent erosion of my own voice and the accumulation of unresolved emotions.
Unresolved anger, much like an uninvited guest, has its own way of wreaking havoc on the body. Beyond the tightness in my throat, chronic anger can lead to increased heart rate, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system – a silent menace undermining the joys of motherhood. Recognising the toll it had taken on my well-being, I realised it was time to transform this emotional baggage into a narrative of resilience.
As I confronted my anger on the yoga mat (and therapy), I discovered that anger, when acknowledged and channeled constructively, can be a catalyst for positive change. It wasn't about eliminating anger but understanding its roots and expressing it in a way that served my well-being. The laughter that had once bubbled up as a coping mechanism now became a tool for releasing the tension and reclaiming my voice.
Finding my voice wasn't just about breaking free from the shackles of silence; it was a journey of self-discovery and self-compassion. Yoga and therapy, with their holistic approach, provided not only the physical release but also the mental clarity necessary for this transformative process. Through the exploration of my voice, I not only navigated the complex landscape of familial expectations but also dismantled the barriers that had kept me silent for so long.
To all the new moms out there, I encourage you to explore the transformative power of finding your voice. It's a journey of self-discovery, self-love, and a profound exploration of authenticity. Whether through yoga, journaling, or simply taking a moment to connect with your inner self, the process of unveiling your voice is a healing balm for the soul. Embrace the power within, and let your authentic voice resonate with the world, breaking free from the shackles of silence that may have bound you since childhood.
After all, life is a journey of continuous discovery, and your voice deserves to be heard.
xoxo
LS
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