top of page
Writer's pictureYummy Mummy

The Perpetual Grief Cycle: Navigating the First Year of Motherhood


As I sit down to pen my thoughts on the first year of motherhood, I can't help but draw parallels between this journey and the well-known stages of grief.


From the moment my little one entered the world, it felt like I embarked on a perpetual cycle of joy, challenges, and a deep sense of loss.


Denial - The Newborn Bubble:


Denial in the context of the first year of motherhood extends beyond the initial surreal moments of holding a newborn. It's a delicate dance between cherishing the bliss of a new life and avoiding the stark reality of sleepless nights and constant caregiving demands. The Newborn Bubble becomes a haven, shielding us from the impending changes in routine and personal space. Coping with this stage involves acknowledging the need for self-care within the confines of the baby-centric bubble, a concept therapists often emphasise.


Coping Strategy: Mindful Self-Care


Therapists and experts often recommend mindful self-care as a powerful coping strategy during the denial stage. This involves carving out small pockets of time for activities that bring joy and relaxation. Whether it's a brief meditation session, a warm bath, or a few moments with a good book, these mindful breaks become anchors in the swirling sea of new motherhood.


Some of my tricks and tips

  • Mindful Awareness: Actively notice and acknowledge unrealistic expectations as they arise. This awareness is the first step toward letting go.

  • Self-Compassion Meditation: Engage in self-compassion meditation exercises to foster a kinder, more accepting attitude toward yourself, especially in moments of perceived failure.

  • Journaling: Document thoughts and expectations, allowing space for reflection. This practice enables a clearer understanding of what needs to be let go.

Anger - Hidden Sacrifices:


The anger stage surfaces as sleepless nights and invisible sacrifices take a toll. Coping with this anger involves recognising its source and channeling it into constructive outlets. Tara Brach, a renowned psychologist and meditation teacher, often advocates for the practice of RAIN (Recognise, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) during moments of emotional turbulence. By acknowledging the anger, allowing it to exist without judgment, investigating its root cause, and nurturing oneself with self-compassion, mothers can navigate this stage with greater resilience.


Coping Strategy: RAIN Meditation


RAINY Meditation - A Practical Guide to Letting Go:

  • Recognise: Begin by pausing and recognising what is present in your mind and body. This step involves acknowledging the thoughts, feelings, or situations that are causing distress or unease. It's about bringing awareness to the present moment without judgment.

  • Allow: Allow whatever is present to be there. Instead of resisting or pushing away unpleasant feelings, create space for them to exist. This step involves adopting an attitude of non-resistance, allowing the emotions to unfold without suppression.

  • Investigate: Delve deeper into the emotions or thoughts you've recognised and allowed. Investigate with a curious and compassionate mind. Ask yourself questions like, "What does this feel like in my body?" or "What thoughts are associated with these emotions?" This step helps in understanding the root causes and gaining insight into your inner world.

  • Nurture: In the final step, nurture yourself with kindness and compassion. Offer words of comfort and understanding to yourself. This involves treating your emotions with the same care you would extend to a friend in distress. Nurture creates a space for healing and self-compassion.

Some of my tricks and tips

  • Mindful Breath-work: Practice mindful breathing during moments of anger. Inhale deeply, acknowledging the emotion, and exhale, consciously releasing resentment.

  • Control-Release Visualisation: Engage in a visualisation exercise where you imagine releasing control as if it were a tangible object. Picture it floating away, allowing a sense of freedom.

  • Acceptance Mantras: Repeat acceptance mantras such as "I release what I cannot control, and I embrace the present moment." This repetition helps internalise the practice of letting go.

Bargaining - The Dance of Negotiation:


The bargaining stage unfolds as mothers negotiate with time, seeking moments of independence and solitude. Tara Brach's teachings on radical acceptance become particularly relevant here. Embracing the reality of the present moment, even when it differs from our idealised vision, can alleviate the stress of constant negotiation. Coping with this stage involves cultivating a sense of acceptance for the ebb and flow of motherhood.


Coping Strategy: Radical Acceptance


Therapists often encourage the practice of radical acceptance, a concept that involves fully embracing the present moment without judgment. By letting go of resistance and accepting the challenges as part of the journey, mothers can navigate the bargaining stage with greater ease.

  • Mindful Presence: Practice mindful presence by engaging fully in the current moment. Let go of mental negotiations and immerse yourself in the experience at hand.

  • Gratitude Journaling: Shift focus from what's lacking to what's present. Regularly jot down moments of gratitude, fostering contentment and reducing the need for constant negotiation.

  • Mindful Communication: Practice mindful communication, expressing needs openly without engaging in continuous negotiation. This helps set clear boundaries and expectations.

Depression - Navigating the Emotional Abyss:


The depressive stage, characterised by moments of sadness and loss, is a challenging terrain to navigate. Therapists emphasise the importance of seeking professional support during this phase. Tara Brach's teachings on self-compassion come to the forefront, urging mothers to treat themselves with the same kindness they would offer a dear friend.


Coping Strategy: Professional Support and Self-Compassion


Therapists play a crucial role in providing a safe space for mothers to explore and process their emotions. Seeking professional support can be transformative during the depressive stage.


Additionally, integrating self-compassion practices, such as loving-kindness meditation, fosters a gentle and understanding relationship with oneself.

  • Positive Affirmations: Integrate positive affirmations into daily routines, challenging negative self-talk. Repeat affirmations that emphasise self-acceptance and worthiness.

  • Mindful Self-Reflection: Regularly engage in mindful self-reflection. When negative thoughts arise, ask yourself if they align with the compassionate perspective you're cultivating.

Acceptance - The Ever-Changing Landscape:


Acceptance, the final stage of grief, is a gradual unfolding marked by a shift in perspective. Coping with this stage involves embracing the ever-changing landscape of motherhood with open arms.


In the intricate tapestry of motherhood, mourning is a constant companion. Whether it's celebrating the first wobbly steps or acknowledging the end of the breastfeeding journey, each milestone carries a bittersweet blend of joy and loss. The mourning isn't a sign of regret but a testament to the profound connection between a mother and her child, evolving through the intricate dance of growth and change.


xoxo

LS


44 views0 comments

Komentarze


      bottom of page