In the realm of personality systems, the Enneagram stands as a powerful tool for self-awareness and personal growth. Developed centuries ago, this ancient system has gained immense popularity in recent times, helping individuals explore their inner motivations, behaviours, and strengths.
In this blog, I will delve into the origin and essence of the Enneagram, how to use it, and its application in nurturing meaningful relationships with yourself, partner and children.
What is the Enneagram, and where did it come from?
The Enneagram is a typology system that describes nine distinct personality types, each representing a unique set of traits, motivations, and perspectives. The term "Enneagram" is derived from the Greek words "ennea" (nine) and "gramma" (a written symbol). While its origins are shrouded in mystery, the Enneagram's modern interpretation is often attributed to figures like Oscar Ichazo and Claudio Naranjo in the mid-20th century. These scholars integrated spiritual wisdom with psychological insights, propelling the Enneagram into its current prominence. However, it was the work of Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, who authored "The Wisdom of the Enneagram," a definitive guide to the nine personality types, that truly popularised its application.
How to use the Enneagram:
To determine your Enneagram type, you can take a free online test like the one offered by Truity (https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test). The test will provide insights into your primary Enneagram type, as well as any wing types (adjacent types influencing your core type). However, it's crucial to remember that the test is just a starting point, and your Enneagram type might require further exploration to identify your truest fit.
Exploring the Nine Personality Types:
1. Type One - The Perfectionist: Ones strive for integrity and balance, often embodying a strong sense of responsibility and a desire for improvement. They have an inner critic that drives them to hold high standards, both for themselves and others. Their strength lies in their ethical nature, making them principled and dependable. However, their weaknesses may include perfectionism, leading them to be overly critical of themselves and others.
2. Type Two - The Giver: Twos are empathetic and compassionate, always seeking to help others and build connections. Their core motivation is to be loved and needed, leading them to be generous and nurturing. Their strengths include kindness and emotional intelligence, making them excellent caregivers and friends. However, they might struggle with self-neglect and excessive people-pleasing, as they can be so focused on others that they forget their own needs.
3. Type Three - The Achiever: Threes are ambitious and success-oriented, constantly striving to excel and be recognised. They have a deep desire to appear successful in the eyes of others, and their strengths include motivation, adaptability, and goal-oriented behavior. They can be charismatic and excellent leaders, but they may grapple with feelings of inadequacy and the tendency to prioritise image over authenticity, sometimes sacrificing their true selves for the sake of success.
4. Type Four - The Individualist: Fours are introspective and creative, embracing their unique identity and emotions. They desire to be authentic and different from others, making them highly self-aware and emotionally expressive. Their strengths lie in empathy, artistic expression, and a deep appreciation for beauty. However, they might struggle with moodiness and a sense of being misunderstood, which can lead to feelings of melancholy and self-absorption.
5. Type Five - The Investigator: Fives are observant and knowledge-seeking, valuing privacy and intellectual pursuits. They have a strong need for knowledge and understanding, making them excellent researchers and analysts. Their strengths include problem-solving, analytical thinking, and a keen insight into complex matters. However, they may experience social withdrawal and isolation, as they tend to conserve their energy and prefer solitude over social interaction.
6. Type Six - The Loyalist: Sixes are loyal and security-oriented, seeking safety and predictability in their lives. They have a tendency to be vigilant and prepared for potential risks, making them excellent team players and responsible individuals. Their strengths lie in loyalty, commitment, and an ability to anticipate and address potential problems. However, they may struggle with anxiety and a fear of uncertainty, which can lead to indecisiveness and seeking reassurance from others.
7. Type Seven - The Enthusiast: Sevens are adventurous and optimistic, constantly seeking new experiences and avoiding pain. They have a zest for life and a desire to be happy, making them joyful and adventurous individuals. Their strengths include positivity, enthusiasm, and the ability to see the bright side of things. However, they may battle with impulsivity and an aversion to facing negative emotions, which can lead to distraction and a constant search for pleasure.
8. Type Eight - The Challenger: Eights are assertive and strong-willed, taking charge and seeking control over their lives. They have a powerful presence and a desire to protect themselves and those they care about, making them natural leaders and protectors. Their strengths lie in leadership, decisiveness, and a willingness to confront challenges head-on. However, they may grapple with anger and an unwillingness to show vulnerability, which can sometimes lead to confrontational behavior and difficulty in trusting others.
9. Type Nine - The Peacemaker: Nines are easy-going and harmonious, striving for inner and outer peace. They have a natural ability to see different perspectives and mediate conflicts, making them excellent peacemakers and diplomats. Their strengths include empathy, patience, and a desire to maintain harmony in their relationships. However, they may struggle with passivity and avoidance of conflicts, as they might suppress their needs and opinions to maintain peace, leading to feelings of complacency and disconnection from their true desires.
Applying the Enneagram in Relationships:
Understanding each other's Enneagram types can significantly improve communication and empathy within a relationship. By recognising the core motivations and fears of ourselves and our partners, we can better navigate conflicts and promote emotional growth. Each Enneagram type brings unique strengths and challenges to relationships, and being aware of these dynamics can foster mutual understanding and growth.
In relationships with Type Ones, it's important to acknowledge their desire for order and structure while offering support and encouragement when their perfectionism becomes overwhelming.
For Type Twos, express gratitude for their nurturing nature while gently reminding them that their self-worth isn't dependent on how much they give to others.
With Type Threes, celebrate their achievements and successes while encouraging them to embrace vulnerability and authenticity.
For Type Fours, acknowledge their individuality and creative expression while providing a safe space for their emotional depth and introspection.
For Type Fives, respect their need for personal space and independence while inviting them to share their knowledge and insights with you.
With Type Sixes, offer reassurance and support during times of uncertainty while appreciating their loyalty and commitment to the relationship.
With Type Sevens, join in on their adventurous spirit and excitement while helping them stay grounded and present in difficult moments.
For Type Eights, respect their strength and assertiveness while creating a safe environment for them to express vulnerability and emotions.
Finally, with Type Nines, cultivate open communication and encourage them to express their desires and opinions while showing appreciation for their ability to create harmony and peace.
By identifying our personality type and understanding its strengths and weaknesses, we gain invaluable insights into our behaviours and relationships. Through compassion and mutual understanding, we can apply the wisdom of the Enneagram to nurture healthier, more fulfilling relationships with ourselves and those we romantically love.
Using the Enneagram to raise and approach children can be an insightful method for understanding their personalities and supporting their development.
Here's a ten-step approach to incorporating the Enneagram in your parenting:
1. Learn the Enneagram: Familiarise yourself with the nine Enneagram personality types, their core motivations, fears, and typical behaviors. This foundational knowledge will help you recognise and appreciate your child's unique qualities.
2. Observe and Identify: Pay close attention to your child's behaviour and reactions in various situations. Over time, try to identify their dominant Enneagram type, keeping in mind that they may exhibit traits from multiple types.
3. Avoid Stereotyping: While identifying their Enneagram type is helpful, remember that children are still individuals. Avoid pigeonholing or assuming their actions solely based on their Enneagram type.
4. Tailor Your Approach: Adapt your parenting style to suit your child's specific needs, considering their Enneagram type. For example, a sensitive and introverted child may need more alone time, while an active and outgoing child may thrive with social interactions.
5. Communicate with Empathy: Utilise your knowledge of your child's Enneagram type to empathise with their emotions and struggles. Validate their feelings and show understanding, which will strengthen your bond and encourage open communication.
6. Encourage Self-awareness: Help your child understand their personality traits and tendencies based on their Enneagram type. This self-awareness can empower them to recognise and manage their emotions effectively.
7. Nurture Strengths and Address Challenges: Focus on developing your child's unique strengths and talents while gently guiding them in areas where they might face challenges due to their Enneagram type.
8. Foster a Safe Environment: Create a safe and non-judgmental space where your child feels comfortable discussing their feelings, thoughts, and experiences. This environment allows for emotional growth and expression.
9. Teach Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Help your child develop positive coping strategies and stress-management techniques tailored to their Enneagram type, aiding them in handling difficult situations constructively.
10. Model the Enneagram: Demonstrate how to use the Enneagram in your own life by understanding your personality type and implementing personal growth strategies. Your example will inspire your child to adopt these insights into their own journey of self-discovery and development.
Remember, the Enneagram is a tool for understanding and personal growth, both for you as a parent and for your child. Using it with compassion and flexibility will contribute to a supportive and nurturing environment that promotes a strong parent-child connection and fosters healthy emotional development in your children.
Approach parenting with love, patience, and an open heart, and your child will thrive in their own unique way.
xoxo
LS
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